Chapter 29 | LIFE

Grab yourself a cup of something hot & yummy, & get ready for a roller coaster of emotions, ramblings, rants, & digressions because this, folks, is about life after college ... when you drop out.

First thing's first: my name is Cassandra (Cal), I am 29, I went to a junior college for a semester after high school (when I was still 17), & decided to head to art school where I stayed for three years.  After art school, I dabbled back at the junior college part time until I finished with enough transfer credits to head off to a university but not get an Associates degree (because they're useless & I don't need to take physical education in college).  After making the Dean's List, I transferred to a university ... only to realize that 1. holy-hell it's expensive, & 2. I'm totally never going to use this degree.  The combination of these two points solidified my thoughts that, even though I was finally having fun at school (besides the random elective History/English/Astronomy courses at the junior college), the cost of this fun just wasn't worth the expense.  Taking those elective courses for free at the junior college was way more fulfilling to me due to the fact that parking was only $20 a semester, & that I could continue to do that as I pleased - learn things for free, without them being classes I was required to take.  That they weren't required somehow made them more fun for me.  I'm odd, I know.


CREATE | The Hike Guy

“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
― Mary Oliver

Oh, shit ... I'm in trouble.


TUESDAY'S TUNES | Great Lake Swimmers

For your listening pleasure:

Give me all of the banjo - the perfect instrument - god, I'm white.


STUFF | Change

The weather has been changing a lot lately here in Southern California.  These changing winds make me question a lot of things.  Change in temperature can inspire change of location for me.  Differences in the color of the sky, the grass, the weeds, can make me crave those colors, those temperatures, those precipitation levels ... not kidding.


Going Out | Going In

It's a weird thing, that being outside only makes me want to be outside more.  When I'm in, I want to get out, when I'm out, I don't have that urge to go back in.  Don't get me wrong, when I say "in," I mean inside a building, a home, a shelter - civilization.  When I say "out," I mean really far out - into the wild, away from civilization - away from the chaos, & the noise.

I'd love to be able to ignore everyday irks, ignorances, snide comments, opinions that should be kept to themselves.  But I guess a big part of life is being able to live in harmony with people's judgements & critiques, & learn to just brush them off.  Not caring is SO HARD for me, though.  To not care what people think is something I'd love to learn to do.  I suppose this is why I love going "out" so much.  Being away from the negativity is easier than dealing with it.  I suppose even while I'm here I don't necessarily have to deal with it ... I could just brush it off.  Maybe that is my big lesson of the year - to learn how to be okay with other people's issues, & not take them on as my own, or care to try & process them.

Going outside really makes me think about the deeper things in life.  The things that really matter, love, happiness, friendship, family, freedom, truth.  I used to walk in order to think.  I used to hike in order to contemplate.  It seems like an age old tradition - one of scholars & mystics.  Vision quests & pilgrimages, alike.  I crave the outdoors.