"Keep close to Nature's heart... & break clear away, once in a while, & climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean."  John Muir

This past weekend Jonathan & I had the pleasure of being invited on a camping trip to June Lake, in the Eastern Sierra mountains.  

Whenever I find myself up highway 395, between Death Valley & Mt. Whitney, I am humbled.  I am honored to live in the same state as many great explorers once have, to fall in love with the same wilderness they did, to live just a day's drive away from these peaks & rivers & trees.  

The Sierra mountains are a great love of mine; I feel at home & at peace while I'm in them.  The ease at which they are accessible allows me to visit them whenever I'd like, for the most part. & for this great privilege, I aim to protect those glorious mountain peaks, those lakes, those gigantic trees, that idea.  The idea of a clean, pure wild.  I recently joined the Sierra club as a first step in my environmental journey, but more than anything, majoring in environmental studies, & being able to preserve the wild, everywhere, for everyone, is my main goal.  I want these open spaces to be just as glorious & meaningful to my grandchildren as they are to me.

I was honored to have gotten to visit this wild space over the weekend.  & even though I clumsily left with a bruised up, sprained ankle, it was one of my favorite trips to the Eastern Sierras, thus far.  (From the photo, it looks like Turbo enjoyed it, too.)

"Man must be made conscious of his origin as a child of Nature. Brought into right relationship with the wilderness he would see that he was not a separate entity endowed with a divine right to subdue his fellow creatures and destroy the common heritage, but rather an integral part of a harmonious whole. He would see that his appropriation of earth's resources beyond his personal needs would only bring imbalance and beget ultimate loss and poverty for all."  Linnie Marsh Wolfe

I have recently become slightly obsessed with YouTube.

It all started while watching a friend's drunk cooking show.  In the suggestion box was a show called My Drunk Kitchen.  The snippet showed a cute, short-haired girl ... holding a plate of nachos!  So of course, I had to click over.  At once I was hooked on her silly drunken show.  I discovered her not so drunk confessions, her coming out story, how to spot a straight girl, & other videos such as her draw my life story.  She makes sure that her viewers are encouraged to embrace themselves, to love themselves, & to not be afraid to be silly as fuck.

In one episode of My Drunk Kitchen, Hannah had a guest on her show ... Grace Helbig, aka DailyGrace.  & again, I became immediately addicted to watching these ladies & their YouTube videos during my lunch hour on a (mostly) daily basis.  (Which is great since Grace is about the only YouTuber who uploads daily ... & because I had years of their videos to catch up on!)

While watching another episode of My Drunk Kitchen, I spotted another recommendation ... My Drunk Sex+.  It was a video featuring Hannah Hart, on a channel called Sex+.  Again, I was hooked.  Now, while the other channels I was watching were funny, & usually a bit drunken or ridiculously geeky, this channel was (while still funny), completely informative.

Laci Green's videos brought me back to a lifelong issue that I've had as mostly an inner dialogue.  The issue of where we ALL stand in today's society as humans, as female, as male, as whatever gender you identify with.  When I was in Girl Scouts, my mom (also my troop leader) had me complete a research project in gender studies, & how women are portrayed in the media.  Back then you couldn't simply look up a video on YouTube or find a documentary on Netflix, so we went to her college's library & did some video research on how photos of women are altered.  On how the standards for women are unreachable at times because they're simply not even real.  We also looked at obesity standards, & the falsities of the BMI scale. How obesity standards are very low according to this scale, so that people are made to think they're overweight when this scale does not even take into account a person's bone size, or muscle mass.  Big pharma uses this scale to make people buy weight loss drugs (especially in the 90s), & from friends, I hear that even the military uses this as a scale for weight management.  While in the military you must be fit, or in shape.  Using the BMI scale is crap, when it comes to this.  Personally, my cousin's husband is 6'1", 235lbs of large bones, & dense muscle.  The dude isn't a normal skinny type.  According to the BMI scale, he should weigh a measly 185lbs.  Just imagining him at that weight makes me cringe.  He has no body fat, his muscles aren't ridiculously big ... he's just a large boned person.

During my first year in college I took a sociology class on Women in American History.  In this class, I was introduced to the movie Iron Jawed Angles, about the women's movement of the 1910's in America.  They also held a production of the Vagina Monologues at my school.  I was introduced to a very in-depth teaching of women's health, sexual health & safety, & the idea that sex wasn't dirty, or wrong - but pleasurable, normal, & that it should be embraced.

Now why the hell hadn't I learned this in school before I was sexually active?!  Why does the public school's teaching of safe "sex" promote abstinence, when, honestly, we all know that isn't going to happen ...?  & why on earth, with all the information available, are they STILL teaching these same antiquated ideas to kids.  Why don't they actually educate them?  Allow them to grow, & become adults in a safe environment.

While attending the Bioneers Conference last year, I noticed a lot of focus not on the environment, but on gender issues.  At the time, this irked me since this was supposed to be a gathering of people in support of the environment, & issues on the grass roots movement.

After watching Laci Green's Sex+ & rekindling a passion for gender equality (that never died, but simply got side tracked with my obsession with the health of this earth), I am now excited to attend Bioneers for the purpose of seeing if they have anything on youth & gender (besides earthy stuff).  I've also looked at the school I'm aiming to attend to see if they have anything on gender.  I think minoring in Women's & Gender Studies, while majoring in Environmental Studies, might bring me to an odd focus about gender roles & how society dictates to us who we're supposed to be & how we're supposed to behave as women or men.  I like this idea.  I'm super excited to learn more, to continue to grow with my knowledge of what's out there in relation to this topic, & to hopefully one day bring this knowledge to others.



Up next:  let's talk about the terms "boyfriend" & "girlfriend" in contrast to "partner" "lover" & whatever else you guys & galls call your significant other.

Thanks for reading!  Have a happy hump day!  ♥

"Who looks upon a river in a meditative hour, and is not reminded of the flux of all things? Throw a stone into the stream, and the circles that propagate themselves are the beautiful type of all influence. Man is conscious of a universal soul within or behind his individual life, wherein, as in a firmament, the natures of Justice, Truth, Love, Freedom, arise and shine."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know what I need to do.

I need to quit wanting support & community, & just do it myself ... I think I know what "it" is.

I'm so reliant on approval, love, & acceptance ... when I should just go, be. 

I have so many good ideas & my own stubborn resistance sets me back from accomplishing things.

From here on out I will live to be wild & free, & completely me.  Without the confines of society, of communal acceptance, without preconceived notions about who Cal is.  I know who I am, deep down in my heart.  & I am here to live my life as me.  As who I am completely.  

Anne LaBastille, via:  Tumblr

Pictured above is a hero of mine, Anne LaBastille.  She was an ecologist, an environmentalist, & an American author.  She was a contributing writer for the Sierra Club, & National Geographic.  She traveled around the world working with many non-profit organizations to study & alleviate the destructive effects of acid rain & pollution on lakes & general wildlife.  She was also a noted wildlife photographer, & her work appeared in many nature publications.

Soon, I will begin reading her Woodswoman series.  I hope to become further inspired.  To gain further insight, knowledge, & excitement for where I'm taking my life, where my life is going, & where it is now. 

"A Man needs to feel the rhythms of the earth; he needs to have in hand something real — The tiller of a boat, a set of reins, the roughness of rope, or simply a shovel. Can a man live all his days to keep his fingernails clean and trim? Is that what a boy dreams of?"  John Elderedge

"The spiritual life cannot be made suburban. it is always frontier, and we who live in it must accept an even rejoice that it remains untamed."  Howard Macey

Here in sunny Southern California it's about that time where we get our perpetual Summertime.  It's pretty awesome if you ask me, although I know some people who would object, roll up their windows, crank the a/c, & hide from life for most of the year.  I love the element, I embrace them, & I can't get enough of our dry Southwest heat.  Sometimes I even follow the lead of lizards & lay out on the cement with a nice towel barrier to soak up the sun without burning my back.  It's amazing ... as long as I remember the sunblock.  A burnt Cal is not a happy Cal.

Spending so much time outside has me for a bit of a loss of words.  But I would like to share one thing with you; from my childhood, this is, & has been, the pinnacle of my Summertime world.  Please enjoy some dreamy, Muppet-filled music:

Last week I had the pleasure of attending my first local hockey game.  Our minor league team is called the Ontario Reign (probably a subdivision of the Kings).  We started the night at the Lazy Dog Cafe, which I'm sure is a corporate chain restaurant, but they seem to treat each location with enough thought for design, menu, & details that the corporate part of it is hardly noticeable.  Jonathan & I got there a bit late, so our friends had already started on a table's worth of appetizers.  The main courses were perfectly portioned, & you could tell that a good amount of thought was put into each plate.  After chowing down, we headed over to the arena & watched most of a hockey game.

Remembering to take my camera with me everywhere is something new for me, it doesn't come quite naturally yet.  I also found out that I have to carry the biggest purse I can so as to not have my life overflow out of my purse & spill out everywhere.  I've downsized my purse's contents quite a bit in the last year, so having room for a camera is coming a lot easier than it did before.  

In other news, it's supposed to be almost up to 90­°F here in Southern California by Wednesday!  Once it feels remotely like Spring time here, Summer comes up & pushes Spring & all it's bugs & flowers out of the way to begin the process of drying out the native grasses & covering our land in gold.  We are the golden state for a reason.  (If you haven't seen this, I'd recommend a road trip up the California 101, or a look at the book The California Surf Project.)  Hopefully I can take a mini road trip & get some photos up on the blog so you all can enjoy this warmth with me!  

Thanks for visiting.

Earlier today, in a fumed rage, I began writing a post about how unjust my place of work is.  I wanted to rant about things that don't really matter in life.  I was seeing red, & it didn't feel good.

You see, I was blessed with this job about 5 years ago.  This was & is my first "real" job, & I am lucky to call one of the owners of this company Dad.

The downside to working here is that despite my love of environment & this mother earth we live on, the company I work for sells their product to oil companies.  Lately, they've been tossing around the word "fracking," & it's really taking it's tole on me.  This is exactly what I am against.  The contamination, the harm, the ridiculousness of all that has to do with Big Oil still being a thing that is alive, well, & thriving.  But I digress...

One reason that I mentioned my opposing views from my company is that despite them, I still work there.  For now, this is simply a job.  I am lucky to have a job, to be able to pay for rent, for my car (which is an entirely different subject about that whole work-car circle I got myself into), & I am lucky to put food not only on my table, my in the bowls of my cats & dogs.

Family is what I live for.  Health, wellness, peace, enlightenment, happiness, among many - but what it all comes down to in the day to day, is family.

This is my family (minus the cats).  This is who welcomes me home every night, this is who puts a smile on my face, & this is who makes me a better me.

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am, & if I am living up to my full potential.  Outside stimuli are always there, waiting to distract me from what really matters.  Am I at peace?  Is my family at peace?  Are my dogs?  Is there harmony in my household, & within each of us?  & honestly, personally, no.  I, myself, have been wrestling with my ego for quite a while now.  Material objects can provide a temporary distraction, a stimulus to make me forget about what really matters.  With blogging, there's always the idea that you have to look a certain way in each post, that you have to be blog-ready, photo-ready.  But what does that do for me inside?  Although I do love to dress up (I love to dress my home up, too), is it something that is really meaningful & beneficial to my life right now?   With having a car, a rent to pay, & bills on top of that, I have to learn that this life of comfort isn't easy for most people.  I am lucky to have a job, despite how much I might loath it.  I am lucky to have health.  I am SO lucky that my dogs, my cats, & my boyfriend are healthy.  I am so blessed in so many ways.

The thing is, is that I simply need to step out of my own way, & let myself breathe.  I need to slow down, take everything in, be appreciative, & truly grateful.  Practicing yoga helps, meditation helps, breathing helps, but I feel that what would help more is to reflect on each moment.

I was going to write this in one of my moleskines since it would have been immediate gratification, but I think waiting to write this down on my blog really helped me think about it more.  I'll have more on this subject when I can really formulate a complete, organized though for a blog post.  For now, I'd just suggest that you listen to this song, enjoy a good cup of tea, some deep breaths, & deeper thoughts.

Spring must be near.

Lately I've been feeling a strong sense of inspiration.  This feeling has been focused on cleaning, organizing, getting rid of clutter, on getting healthy & fit, but also on style.  I've been so inspired to focus my personal style.  To get my wardrobe to a point where everything fits, matches, & works with each other.

While getting back into blogging, I want to make my life fit a certain standard I hold for myself.  It's not that I want perfection, but inspiration in every day.



During lunch today I went on a walk around the industrial block we work on.  This entire city is built on industrial manufacturing.  The king of which, is the California Speedway ... surrounded by impoverished homes filled with dreamers, lovers, & doers.  As I was on this walk, backed by the noise of a passing freight train, the grinding of steel being cut, & the beeping of a forklift backing up, I stopped to pick up a roly poly.  As it crawled around on my hand, I was struck.  This was my childhood in a pure moment.  Something about this little pill bug brought back the sense of wonder that comes with being a kid on summer break.  While putting it back in the grass, I picked a dandelion that had gone to seed - & I made a wish.

I wished for everything I've ever wanted in life - beauty, truth, happiness, inspiration, wonder, simplicity, & excited anticipation.  More importantly, I wished for this for everyone.

This is probably why I love the art of blogging.  By combining the written word with imagery, music, & inspiration, you are able to bring a specific mood to your blog.  You can maintain an atmosphere based on your content.  By being yourself, you are gaining an audience, readers, friends.

So, after all that rambling, I'd just like to thank you for stopping by my little place of inspiration.  Thanks for listening, & for being a friend - even if for a single post.