Earlier today, in a fumed rage, I began writing a post about how unjust my place of work is. I wanted to rant about things that don't really matter in life. I was seeing red, & it didn't feel good.
You see, I was blessed with this job about 5 years ago. This was & is my first "real" job, & I am lucky to call one of the owners of this company Dad.
The downside to working here is that despite my love of environment & this mother earth we live on, the company I work for sells their product to oil companies. Lately, they've been tossing around the word "fracking," & it's really taking it's tole on me. This is exactly what I am against. The contamination, the harm, the ridiculousness of all that has to do with Big Oil still being a thing that is alive, well, & thriving. But I digress...
One reason that I mentioned my opposing views from my company is that despite them, I still work there. For now, this is simply a job. I am lucky to have a job, to be able to pay for rent, for my car (which is an entirely different subject about that whole work-car circle I got myself into), & I am lucky to put food not only on my table, my in the bowls of my cats & dogs.
Family is what I live for. Health, wellness, peace, enlightenment, happiness, among many - but what it all comes down to in the day to day, is family.
This is my family (minus the cats). This is who welcomes me home every night, this is who puts a smile on my face, & this is who makes me a better me.
I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am, & if I am living up to my full potential. Outside stimuli are always there, waiting to distract me from what really matters. Am I at peace? Is my family at peace? Are my dogs? Is there harmony in my household, & within each of us? & honestly, personally, no. I, myself, have been wrestling with my ego for quite a while now. Material objects can provide a temporary distraction, a stimulus to make me forget about what really matters. With blogging, there's always the idea that you have to look a certain way in each post, that you have to be blog-ready, photo-ready. But what does that do for me inside? Although I do love to dress up (I love to dress my home up, too), is it something that is really meaningful & beneficial to my life right now? With having a car, a rent to pay, & bills on top of that, I have to learn that this life of comfort isn't easy for most people. I am lucky to have a job, despite how much I might loath it. I am lucky to have health. I am SO lucky that my dogs, my cats, & my boyfriend are healthy. I am so blessed in so many ways.
The thing is, is that I simply need to step out of my own way, & let myself breathe. I need to slow down, take everything in, be appreciative, & truly grateful. Practicing yoga helps, meditation helps, breathing helps, but I feel that what would help more is to reflect on each moment.
I was going to write this in one of my moleskines since it would have been immediate gratification, but I think waiting to write this down on my blog really helped me think about it more. I'll have more on this subject when I can really formulate a complete, organized though for a blog post. For now, I'd just suggest that you listen to this song, enjoy a good cup of tea, some deep breaths, & deeper thoughts.