Sunday, October 20, 2013

FORGET | FORGIVE

I haven't forgotten quite everything there is to blogging yet ... though, I have forgotten quite a bit.

It seems like just yesterday - I was blogging away, working out on the regular, reading books of my choice every night, going to yoga once a week, being completely here & now.  Now what am I but a machine that cranks out papers, reviews, essays, outlines, & speeches?  Yes, speeches!  I'm great at giving those now!  Who'd a thought...

But with all of this scholarly writing & researching, I seem to have lost the touch.  Simply putting words to computer is easy for me - it always has been.  Grammar & spelling are two of my best skills.  But blogging ... this is just something I wasn't ready for.  I seem to have lost my voice.  I know I have lost my audience, my family, friends, & blogging community, but to loose my voice is just entirely too profoundly sad for me.  I guess all of this studying doesn't help.  Having to use a voice other than my own for the sake of good grades prevents me from including any character or comedic aspect that I'd usually use here.  As I look back on all of the years I blogged freely, maybe even five days a week sometimes, I remember it being easier than it should have been - easier than it is now.  Writing, loading & editing photos, including a story, social networking for the sake of promotion, but also for the sake of friendship.  Because honestly, though I do have some IRL friends, the people I've met though blogging have changed my life & shaped me into the person I am today in some way or another.

It is you, my friends, who I am looking back on.  It is future friends who I will eventually look forward to.

Even now, as I sit here writing this, I am reminded of the hours chatting, emailing, tweeting, & reading one another's blogs that used to happen.  Even now, I pine for that connection.  Though my new IRL friends are more "up to speed" & social network inclined, I yearn for that special connection you get through sharing your life through a blog with friends you may or may not have ever met.  

So ... here I am.  Blogging for the sake of keeping this thing going, even if it is fizzling ... has fizzled.  Yet I am still optimistic for the future.  For a time where I can blog for the sake of blogging again, not just for the life of my blog, but for the livelihood of my life.  

The name.  Well, I'm sure there's no point in changing the name.  When I finally settled on Boardwalk To Eden it was immensely powerful.  It hit me where most phrases or sets of words don't hit.  I didn't start this blog to document my life at the time.  My life back then was a lot less interesting than it is now.  But with all that drama, that growth, that suffocation behind me, I can say that I'm glad I got it out in one way or another.  Even if it was through this very blog that is, in fact, meant to document a life of sorts now.  Sharing this space, & keeping the name will remind me of where I came from & why I began to blog - back when I was good at it.  

Maybe it will inspire me to be that blogger again.  Hopefully I will keep up with it as well as I used to.  Maybe I'll begin to feel that maternal blogging instinct again.  You know the one, where you feel like you've abandoned a child who can't fend for themselves.  Is that just me?  Oh well... Whatever it is, I hope to get it back.  I don't have a plan yet.  I might not construct one.  I think that's what fizzled me out in the first place - keeping too tight of a schedule.  But I will not let this thing die.  

I hope to see you back here.  Whoever you are.  Readers out & about in internet-land.  Feel free to say hi.  Please share your blog with me.  & ... um ... have a nice day?  Ugh, that's a horrible sign off.  

Oh, & about those pictures above ... there are some days when I remember to bust out my camera - that was one of those days.  & no, Turbo is not chewing on the blanket even if it looks that way.  He's noming on his elk antler, I think.  It's his new favorite toy, although it's dangerously small now.  He'll be fine...

5 comments:

  1. Hiiii pretty lady :) Glad to see you writing again <3

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  2. I can relate. I've been blogging inconsistently for three years, and always feel guilty when I take time off. I think it's important to remember that at the end of the day, you should write for YOU, because it makes you happy. Everything else will follow. That being said, I'm so glad to read your words again and that you're doing well. XO

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  3. I'm still here! *waves*

    I definitely agree that blogging has taken a weird turn since 2010 when I got heavily into it. It's been weird to see people fizzle out! Remember the days of immense pressure to post daily? CRAZY. I still love it, just for myself. I'm glad to see you back :)

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