Monday, July 3, 2017

Capriciousness

I am a multifaceted individual.  I am outdoorsy, bookish, intellectual, traditional, free-spirited, and adventurous.  I am authentic.  I am capricious.


The word "capricious" is an adjective that means to be prone to sudden changes of mood or behavior.  Let me explain further.  I am not bipolar.  I am not manic.  I have many different interests, and despite my libran birth, I am not all that great at balancing these interests in a way that allows me to embrace them all at once.  In a way, I am searching for that balance.  I am looking to explore the paths that can get me there.

Perhaps this is why I enjoy the arts.  By focusing on vivid imagery – whether visual or verbal – one is able to produce some sort of mood or effect.  I imagine that the mood or effect I most long to produce is one of peace and balance; but in my path to finding these things, I am sucked into different veins that lead me to extremes.  I enjoy the outdoors, so I want to enjoy them fully.  I enjoy literature, so I want to meld into that life as much as I possibly can.

The words and works of Dickinson, Austen, Carroll, Hodgson Burnett, and Rowling fuel my love of literary simplicity.  But my adoration for Muir, Strayed, and the like kindle a fire in my heart for adventure, open spaces and epic views in fresh air.  I want to ride the subway while reading a good book, go home and drink some tea and sit on a comfy sofa.  I also want to hike to some remote location, chug pure water, and sleep under the stars.  These two facets can be balanced, I'm just not sure how.

Mary Oliver is my hero.  She is bookish and literary, outdoorsy and natural.  She fuses these two worlds together with poems about nature, about birds, about dogs.  There is something magical in the way she seems to exude the life I want to live.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver

My answer: everything, Mary; simply everything.

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